paper planes

I haven’t seen Sebastian in three weeks.

Sitting in my room, I begin to wonder we’ll ever see each other again. Or if we do, will we be too different to even recognize each other? It almost seems likely that he has moved on with his life, living each day on the edge of danger, having no sense of the consequences of his actions.

Ever since I came back home, my parents act more remote than watchful. They don’t bother to ask any questions when I come home late or when I stay home from school. They didn’t even blink an eye when my grades had plummeted from A’s to low C’s. I feel as if I’m living in this house with complete strangers.

This morning, the school had contacted my parents, informing then that I would have to take summer classes to make up for my absences. My mother just sighed into the phone and left for work. She couldn’t even look at me anymore.

So here I am, staring out of my window, thinking about what my life has become. It’s not like I feel sorry for myself, but angry for letting everything slip through my fingers that easily. And for what? For a boy.

Tears brim the edges of my eyes. I wipe them away and scold myself for being so weak. It’s time to grow up. Time to stop being so naïve.

But yet my heart still aches.

“Noelle?” my father’s voice calls from outside my bedroom door. “Someone’s here to see you.”

I wait until his footsteps disappear down the hallway before I leave the room. As I make my way down the staircase, curiosity begins to builds in my chest. Who could it possibly be? Certainly no one from school. All of my friends grew distant, hanging with different people and talking about different subjects, no longer interested in all of the things that we had in common. They had told me that growing apart is a natural phase in life and that our friendship was destined to collapse. What rises must also fall. It’s funny how much things can change in a few short weeks.

There’s a clamor of a spoon dropping into an empty bowl from inside the kitchen. I stop in the doorway, a smile creeps into the corners of my lips. A feeling of happiness emerges in my stomach, making my heart pound a thousand miles faster.

“You have no idea how much trouble I went through trying to find you,” Sebastian smiles, a small dimple forming in his left cheek.

He’s almost unrecognizable from the last time I had seen him. His complexion is healthy and his weight is back to normal. His clothes are clean and unscathed. But there are things that still remain the same, like his messy, soft black hair that seems as if he had just rolled out of bed ten minutes ago, and his stunning grey eyes that are no longer cloaked with dark circles.

I don’t ask any of the questions that are running through my mind, instead I let myself fall into his arms, soaking in the same feeling of comfort and tranquility of his weight forming against mine. As I breath in the scent of his skin, I can’t help hiding my foolish grin anymore.

“I will never leave you again like that,” I whisper, pulling him closer. “Because it hurts too much to be away from you.”

Sebastian hushes me by placing his finger gently on my lips. “No, you were right back then, I was being selfish. I was too caught up in my own troubles to even consider what you were going through. Thanks to you, I got my priorities straight and pieced back together my life. So there’s no need to apologize.” He pauses, his eyes becoming more serious. “After signing myself into rehab and seeing a therapist, things cleared up and I learned a lot of things. But even all of that didn’t make me feel fully complete… something was still missing. And that’s why I’m here.”

“Stay close.”

Mitch leads us down the fire escape stairway, holding my hand tightly. We creep down the dark alleyway, staying hidden within the shadows.

“I’ll go get my car and I’ll come back for you. Just stay here and wait for me, okay?”

“Okay,” I nod.

“Remember: don’t move,” he reminds me as he walks away.

Without even thinking, I run in the opposite direction. The pounding of my shoes hitting the asphalt ringing in my ears.

Thud. Thud. Thud…

I pant lightly as I round the corner, throwing myself behind a dumpster, hiding.

“Noelle!?” Mitch’s voice rings through the empty night.

“Noelle, where are you!?”

The rumble of his car’s engine comes to life and my heart skips a beat. I wait anxiously as I hear it approaching me, closing in with every second. I can see its headlights through the crevice between the dumpster and the building.

Please. Please, don’t let him find me.

I close my eyes and hug my knees to my chest.

I open my eyes and look around. The road was empty. No sign of Mitch. A wave of relief overcomes me and my lungs gasp for air, unaware that I was holding my breath until now.

“There you are,” a voice calls out from behind me.

Oh God, it can’t be. I turn around, half expecting Mitch to be standing there, but instead I find Sebastian, looking at me longingly like a homesick puppy. His skin is unbelievably pale and I can see the dark bruises beneath his eyes from underneath a nearby lamppost. Rips and tears in his shirt expose his skin-and-bone stomach.

“What happened to you?”

Sebastian looks at himself and brushes off his shirt.

“It doesn’t matter,” he says, shaking his head. “All that matters now is that we find somewhere safe to hide out, far away from here.”

He walks up to me and runs his fingers through my hair, then tracing my jaw line.

“I want to go home.”

Sebastian’s hand drops to his side.

“I’m tired of running from everything. I just want to go home.” Tears begin to from in the corners of my eyes, but Sebastian wipes them away before they have the chance to fall.

“Stay with me,” he begs. “Noelle, all I want is to keep you happy.”

“How is all this bullshit supposed to be making me happy?” I argue. “You know what? I think the only person who you want to make happy is yourself. You just keep me tagging along to make you feel less shitty about yourself. It’s not about me. It was never about me. It was about you from the very-fucking-beginning.”

A look of hurt crosses his grey eyes, causing them to become stormy and clouded.

“If you really want to make me happy, you’ll leave me alone.” I can feel tears dampening my shirt, sticky against my chilled skin. My heart feels as if it’s on the verge of exploding within my chest. I try to choke back sobs that sting in my throat, but it’s hopeless.

“You don’t mean that,” Sebastian challenges. “You wouldn’t dare walk away from me.” His eyes stare at me, waiting for my next move.

“Goodbye, Sebastian.”

And with that, I left him standing there, stunned and motionless.

“I need to call Sebastian.”

I reach for the phone, but Mitch grabs my arm, his nails digging into my skin.

“Quit it, you’re hurting me.” I look up and freeze. His fangs are drawn and he has a thirsty look in his eyes, their pupils so dilated that his whole irises have turned black.

Mitch jerks his hand away and backs away. His pupils returning back to normal.

“Noelle… I swear I didn’t mean to,” he pleads.

Fear paralyzes my brain and I stand still, afraid to move.

How could I have not seen it before?

Mitch steps foreword, his eyes full of guilt.

“Stay away from me,” I warn.

“Please, Noelle,” he pleads. “Please forgive me. I let myself slip. I promise it’ll never happen again.”

“No,” I shake my head. “I don’t feel safe around you anymore.”

“Come on, don’t be foolish,” Mitch warns. “You need me. You’ll never make it out without my help.”

“I’d rather risk getting caught than die.”

“So you’re just going back home and act like nothing ever happened? Do you really think that your parents will be that forgiving?”

I pause, unsure of the answer.

“Exactly,” Mitch says.

“Then let me call Sebastian.”

“Why do you trust him more than me? Did you forget that he’s a vampire too?”

Another pause. Damn it.

“He’s no help, either. He’s too busy running away from his own fucked up life.”

I look at my arm. The blood underneath is already bruising from the pressure of his fingers, a hue of purple surfacing the skin.

Mitch wraps his arms gently around me, pulling me into him.

“Come on, you can’t stay mad at me forever,” he whispers into my neck.

All I could imagine was his razor-sharp fangs puncturing through my fragile skin.

I watch as the red and blue lights disappear, their loud sirens dissolving completely. What if they had given up on me? Will my life rest in the hands of vampires for the rest of my life?

The apartment is empty when I wake up.

I remember the previous events vaguely, recalling Mitch leaving in the middle of the night after receiving a phone call. The rest is a blurry mess.

I can hear the sound of keys unlocking the door. Mitch walks into the room, brushing himself off vigorously. His hands caked with dirt.

“Where were you?” I ask, helping him out of his jacket.

No answer.

“Don’t keep things from me, Mitch.”

“Since when do I have to tell you everything, huh?” he questions. “Noelle, there are things that happen that I would rather not tell you. It’s for your own good.”

“For my own good?” I spit. “First Sebastian keeps me in the dark and now you are too?”

“It’s complicated,” he explains.

“You know what? Fuck complicated. I’m not a five-year-old, you know.”

“Don’t,” Mitch warns, clenching his teeth. Only now did I notice the set of unusually sharp tipped canines that resemble Sebastian’s.

“He killed someone else, didn’t he?” I ask, my limbs beginning to shake in fear.

“What?”

“I know what you and him are,” I quiver. “He told me a while ago. He had also said that he might of murdered someone before, but he didn’t seem too sure about it.”

Mitch stands silently, staring through the window, that fails reflect the image back. I had noticed the same thing about Sebastian, before he had even told me. I could tell that he too had no reflection, back at the night we had spent on the porch. The night where he had been badly bruised but wouldn’t tell me how. It all makes sense to me now.

“Where is he?” I ask.

“Who knows?”

I imagine the image of Sebastian running through the dark alleyways, hiding within the shadows of the city’s old buildings. That was how he escapes things that seem to big for him to handle. He has done it so many times before, it’s the only way he knows.

“I need to know, Mitch,” I plead. “Please tell me!”

He turns to me, his eyes steady. “We need to leave now.”

“What? Why?”

Then I hear the sounds that I have been dreading for the past week. It was the sounds of police sirens. The ones who were still searching for me.

It’s late and Noelle is asleep on the futon.

Her light breathing and the humming of the furnace are the only sounds that can be heard in the apartment.

I look at her through the reflection of the window, where I am standing, leaning against the wall.

The obnoxious ringing of the phone jerks me from my thoughts, causing Noelle to stir awake, rubbing her eyes and groaning.

I pick it up on the last ring.

“Mitch?” Sebastian’s voice sounds out of breath and shaky. “Mitch is that you?”

“Yeah, it’s me.”

Noelle mouths, “Who is it?” I tell her it’s nothing.

“What’s wrong?” I ask into the receiver.

“I need you to help me out,” he pleads.

“Why should I?”

“Because you’re the only one I can count on.”

“Where are you?”

“That old, abandoned motel on Brantford Street.”

I sigh. “Sure, I’ll meet you there.”

Sebastian hangs up and I turn to Noelle, dropping my head and shaking it slowly. She looks at me, a look of concern in her innocent eyes.

“I have to go,” I say, sliding into my jacket.

Noelle nods and I leave the apartment. Thoughts and scenarios are running through my head. What kind of trouble could Sebastian have gotten into now?

Sebastian leads me to the roof of his apartment building, holding my wrist gently as we climb up the stairs. He opens the door with the glowing exit sign and the humid, warm air settles onto my skin.

I look around at the assortment of burning candles and at the dirty, old mattress that has been set up in advance. He had planned on taking me home at the park all along.

“Um, Sebastian.” I stop hesitantly and pull my arm out of his hold. “I don’t think this is a very good idea.”

Sebastian looks at me, his face illuminated by the faint glow of the candles.

“I think I should go.”

He reaches out and puts his hands on my shoulders. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to. I just want to talk. Please stay?”

“I guess,” I agree half-heartedly. “Just to talk. Nothing else.”

“Nothing else,” he nods, confirming our agreement.

The mattress is worn and tired. I shift uncomfortably. Sebastian sits down besides me and leans back onto his elbows.

“Do you know what I regret most of all?” Sebastian says. I can feel his eyes staring at mine, but I avoid them. Instead, I look up into the sky and its endless depth.

“What’s that?”

“Never telling you that I loved you.”

“Yeah, what a bummer, right?” I scoff sarcastically. I cringe at the hardness of my own voice. “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be. Promise me one thing: never tell me you’re sorry ever again, okay?”

“Okay.”

As the night begins to settle in, I can feel its coldness slowly seeping through my sweater, chilling my skin. I shiver aloud.

“Here,” Sebastian says, handing me a blanket that he had set aside. He helps me wrap myself, his hands skimming the bottom of my chin.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

We sit in silence, staring at the stars and airplanes that dot the sky. I can feel the weight of Sebastian’s hand rest on the small of my back. I let myself lean into him, breathing in the slightly dirty smell of his shirt.

“Hey, what about our deal?” he asks softly, combing his fingers through my hair.

“Just this once.”

“I’m glad you showed up at the park today.”

“Why?”

“Well, I wasn’t sure you’d ever want to see me again.”

I look up, meeting the gaze of Sebastian’s stormy grey eyes. He grins sheepishly and grazes his lips across the top of my head, then kissing me softly on the forehead. The corners of my lips curl into a smile and I kiss him back.

“Noelle,” Sebastian whispers into my hair.

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

Hearing those words makes my heart thud harder against my ribcage, but it isn’t a bad feeling, though. It’s a feeling that could never be explained, no matter how many words you use. This feeling was… infinite. But even that doesn’t sum it all off.

I pull Sebastian’s head against my chest, holding onto him, never wanting to let him go.

“Do you hear that?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve never felt anything like it until I met you.”

Mitch and I lay on the futon, his body perfectly shaped beside mine.

The bright morning sunshine burns my eyes and I burrow my head into his chest. He smiles contently and traces his fingers along my spine.

“Is this wrong?” I ask, pulling my face back to look Mitch in his emerald green eyes. Small golden flecks glistens in his irises, almost like burning embers.

He rolls over onto his back with a sigh, staring at the ceiling in thought. “What do you think?” he asks after a few minutes of silence.

“I think that maybe we both slept together to gain something.”

“Like what?”

I shrug and I can feel the tears well up in my throat. Choking them back burns.

“Oh,” Mitch nods knowingly. “The whole Sebastian thing, right? I mean, you only had sex with me because somehow you’d be getting back at him for what he had done to you. Am I right?”

I nod and bite my bottom lip.

Mitch rolls onto his side, facing me, while propping himself onto his elbow. He looks at me and brushes loose strands of hair away from my face. The touch of his fingertips brushing against my skin triggers memories of Sebastian and the night we had danced under the glowing lanterns. I clutch my eyes shut, hoping to block them out.

“What’s wrong?” Mitch asks.

I shake my head and open my eyes again. “Nothing.”

But I couldn’t help to think that what Sebastian and I had was more than that.

Because it was something. Something incredible.

The loud music settles onto my chest as soon as we enter the house.

“I have to find someone,” Sebastian says distractedly before leaving me behind and disappearing into the thick crowds of people.

I push my way through to the kitchen in search of a drink, bumping into couples engaged in dirty dancing as their plastic cups of beer slosh onto the carpet. Their arms swaying in the air as they jump about.

Someone grabs my arm and spins me around.

“Mitch?”

He grins smugly and pulls me into his hips, holding me in place with his hands on the small of my back.

“Are you stalking me?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Go away.” I try to push him away, but his strength won’t allow me. Instead, he spins me back around and presses his face into my neck, grinding slowly from behind.

“You know,” he says into my ear. “I don’t even know your name.”

“That’s too bad.”

“Come on, at least let me put a name to such a pretty face.”

I manage to wriggle free from his grasp. Before he can stop me, I disappear out of the back door, swallowed whole by the mass of people running around in bikinis and swim trunks.

At the other end of the pool, I spot Sebastian sitting in a lawn chair, staring idly into his cup. I start to push my way though the crowds, trying to call his name over the heavy beat spilling out of the speakers.

He doesn’t seem to hear me, because his attention rises from his cup, and looks off into another direction.

“Sebastian!”

But before I can reach him, I am elbowed in the ribs so forcefully that I lose balance and tumble into the freezing pool.

As I submerge underneath the surface, I can hear laughter erupting, joined by people splashing into the water, squealing in excitement.

Once I reach the surface again and push aside my bangs, my heart stops and everything around me becomes mute.

I walk up to room 226 of the motel where Noelle has been staying in hiding.

For a minute, I just stand there and breath in the cold air.

I knock on the door. I can hear Noelle’s soft footsteps approaching the door. Then the doorknob turns slowly, revealing her right eye. Swollen and red from crying.

“Hey,” she smiles.

“Hey, beautiful.”

Noelle opens the door further and I walk into the room, the slight odor of cigarettes fill my nostrils.

“Smoking?” I ask.

“Sort of,” she shrugs.

“Don’t get used to it.”

Noelle nods knowingly and sits down onto the bed, crossing her legs. I walk into the bathroom and lean over the sink, looking at the empty reflection in the cracked mirror.

You can’t hide it from her forever.

The room is quiet after Sebastian left. I sit still and let my thoughts fill my mind.

“What should I do?” I find myself asking out loud.

The first thought that popped into my mind is:

“But he’s dangerous. Why would I do that?”

“Of course.”

Then what are you waiting for?

Sebastian slides the key into the doorknob to the room marked 226. He had decided it would be best to stay at a motel until things get “sorted out”.

“I’m starting to run low on cash,” he says, looking in his wallet. “Do you bring some with you”?

I shake my head.

“Damn.”

Sebastian suggests that I should take a shower while he makes a phone call. I take some clean clothes into the small bathroom and close the door.

I turn the shower head on and undress, but instead of getting into the stall, I rest my ear against the thin door and listen in on Sebastian’s conversation on the phone.

Sebastian: “Could you lend me a some money… No, she’s not in the room… I had no choice… I can’t go back now… Fine… Thanks, man…”

I stop listening when I hear footsteps approaching the door. I step inside the stall just in time as Sebastian enters the room.

“Do you mind?” his silhouette asks. I can see the outline of his lanky frame through the frosted glass door.

“Go ahead.”

“Thanks, babe.”

Sebastian excuses himself and stands among the line of others, waiting to place our orders.

My stomach groans harshly and I cringe.

“What’s wrong?” Mitch asks, grabbing a napkin out of the dispenser.

“Nothing,” I lie.

He shrugs and stares out the window, his eyes squinting in the morning sunlight.

“What are you doing with Sebastian?” Mitch asks, redirecting his attention back to me. He cocks his head to the side, fixating his eyes onto mine, trying to figure me out.

“I don’t know what you mean,” I respond, adverting my attention to Sebastian to avoid eye contact with Mitch. Something about being alone with him makes me a little uneasy. “Do you have a problem with something?”

He doesn’t answer. But his eyes stay fixed on me and I find myself hoping that Sebastian would hurry up.

“So, your Sebastian’s cousin, right?” I ask, changing the subject.

“Yeah, I am.”

I nod my head slowly and watch as Sebastian makes his way back to the booth, our tray of breakfast in his hands.

“Breakfast is served,” he winks at me while setting the tray down and sliding into the seat and resting his arm across on my thigh.

I smile in relief and take my order of hash browns and a vanilla latte.

I wake up to the sound of rapping on my window.

I look over to the glowing red digits on my alarm clock and moan tiredly.

“Noelle?” someone whispers softly.

There’s a shadow leaning over my bed, shaking me awake. I rub my eyes and try to focus them onto the figure above me.

“Sebastian? What are you doing here? How’d…” I am cut off as he rests his finger on my lips, disallowing me to speak any further.

“Get dressed. Quickly,” he says anxiously.

“Huh? Why?”

Sebastian grabs a nearby duffel bag and begins opening my drawers, randomly throwing things into it. I can feel my cheeks burn as he starts to sort through my bras and lacy boxer shorts. “Come on, Noelle, get dressed.”

I quickly pull on a pair of jeans and a loose shirt that I found crumpled on the floor.

“Sebastian, what’s going on? Where are we going?”

“Away from here.”

He tosses me the duffle bag and I catch it clumsily, almost dropping it.

“Hurry, fallow me,” he instructs, taking my hand and leading me downstairs and out the back door.

The air is freezing and I shiver in my short sleeved shirt. Sebastian leads us through the sparse woods that border the small river that runs alongside my neighbors backyards.

“Where… are we going to stay?” I ask in-between my teeth chattering.

“My cousin’s place. It’s several blocks away,” he says. “But were only staying there overnight.”

I decide to stop asking questions when I can feel his grip around my hand tighten.

Sebastian closed the sliding glass door behind us and sits down onto a nearby lawn chair.

He pulls out a cigarette and lights it. I can see the dark circles that devour his stormy grey eyes under the midnight glow and the small cut on his swollen bottom lip.

“Sebastian, where have you been?” I ask, attempting to wipe away the small stream of blood that trails down his chin with my sleeve.

He pushes my hand away and looks away. I back away and stand at the door, pulling at my sweater, trying to keep myself warm.

“There’s nothing to worry about,” he mumbles as he flicks his cigarette onto the ground.

The muffled music fills the silence between us as Sebastian takes a drink from his plastic cup. He wipes away his mouth with the back of his hand and closes his eyes for a moment, breathing in the cold air.

“Look Noelle,” Sebastian says, standing up from his chair and tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear, his cold hand brushing gently against my neck. He stands close enough so our lips are a mere inch apart, his light breathing tickling my skin. “I’m sorry if I had hurt you before. I wont let it happen again, okay?” Then he takes my hand and kisses it gently.

“Okay,” I whisper softly.

The corner of his lips curls into a half-smile and rests his head into the nape of my neck, holding me into his body.

“I really care about you, Noelle. You know that, don’t you?” Sebastian breathes into my neck. He pulls away and I stare into his intense eyes. They seem to have a magnetic quality to them that I admire.

“Uh-huh.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure,” I say, wrapping my arms around his thin waist.

“Do you believe everything happens for a reason?”

Sebastian traces his finger along my collarbone, sending chills up my spine. I smile and he keeps going.

“Maybe.”

Sebastian’s eyebrows contort in disbelief. “Maybe?”

“I guess so.”

He leans back and stops tracing imaginary lines on my body. I know if I say the right thing, there’s a possibility that he might kiss me again.

“What I meant is, sure, I do believe that we meet certain people and we have to go through certain experiences for a reason. But who am I to say if it’s true or not?”

Sebastian nods in consideration. “Yeah, I suppose your right.”

“So, do you think we’ve met for a reason?” I ask curiously.

“Definitely,” he answers without skipping a heartbeat. “I really do.”

He moves in slowly and wraps his arms around me, pulling me even closer, and kisses me again. Long and slow. He bits my bottom lip gently in-between kisses and I find myself forgetting about the coldness that surrounds us and everything becomes distant.